Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
