Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
