I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
