I didn't shave. On purpose
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
