I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
