i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
