Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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