Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
