this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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