Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
