RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
