somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
