I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
