i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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