What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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