Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
