Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
