and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
