We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
