I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
