I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
