I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
