Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
