I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
