My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
