do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
