So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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