Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
