4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I look better un-naked...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
