is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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