So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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