He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My first STD was from a foam party
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
