It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
