We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
