Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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