We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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