let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
