I should be sponsored by Trojan
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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