We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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