I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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