We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
