your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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