____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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