Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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