Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
