I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
