you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
