You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
