we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
