I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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