Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Floor bacon is actually really good
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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