maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
