Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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